The Sex Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the Head

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret excellent sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries enormous meaning and effects.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good also).

B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine see here and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the opportunity to make love with somebody we are drawn in to very difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing effective feelings of destination, excitement, well-being, closeness, and love .

When issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They probably wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states have a peek at these guys that a number of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men particularly in urbane locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex why not check here isn't really going to be great?".

Nonetheless, North adds, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow over time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!

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